Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Mancrates.com Challenge! What would I need to survive a Horror Film?

So I’m a man and I love horror films and I probably could live just long enough to see the end credits of most horror films only to die during the end credits.. My ability to survive would only be in question when it comes to two things:

1.  Dealing with anything I can’t see or touch.

2.  If I was dealing with something that absolutely could not die.


I have to come up with a list of items I would want in my MANCRATE! Yes, a mancrate, I was asked to write this post by Alexandra from mancrates.com. Mancrates.com is a site that you can buy personalized gifts for men; not just any typical gift.. You can purchase gifts MEN actually enjoy! An example of a crate you could buy would be the Grill Master Crate! It's an awesome gift!


Anyway, I have to come up with items I would absolutely need to survive a horror film, what type of horror film will I choose? I could do a zombie flick but that seems to get used way too much and I am tired of hearing everyone claim they are preparing for the zombie apocalypse; except for my girlfriend, she can say that stuff all she wants because she is hot and I love her!

I figure it would be more fun to be part of a Slasher film! My Slasher film will not be about some guy who can never die; that’s just stupid and the only people who can get away with that are the film makers of the 80’s and 90’s where there were actual Slasher Icons like Freddy, Jason and Michael! Mine would be more like Scream. No, I truly hated Scream however a realistic villain has me more interested.

I am not sure how big this crate is exactly so I’ll just guess…

Item #1: Pack of BIC Lighters to set shit on fire! I mean hell if you are able to start a fire then neighbors call the fire department and the police show up with ambulances etc.. Look at any fire response unit in your town! Plus a lighter can light a torch or whatever if you’re in a position to where you are in need of one.

Item #2: The GLOCK 17 so I could shoot the bastard! If the guy is real he will die pretty fast then I don’t have to have a long drawn out movie where in the end the killer is revealed to be some stupid douchebag that had mommy issues..

Item #3: Ghillie Suit so I can hide in the forest or wooded area, how many times have you seen some stupid ass person running from the axe wielding asshole only to try to hide behind a tree? They DIE! How about having a Ghillie Suit on hand that you can put on and hide from the scary ass dude trying to kill you so you can have the jump on him? Bet you will never see that in a Horror movie!

Item #4: Duct Tape because all of you should have some of this shit laying around, it will  help you in a pinch especially if you get lucky enough to put the killer in a position to where you can duct tape him to a chair. Once you duct tape that crazy fucker to a chair you can torture the shit out of him just like he would have done you if you were an idiot and made enough mistakes to be captured.

Item #5: Satellite Phone because house phones are always dead and cell phones somehow never have a damn signal! A Satellite phone will guarantee your ass can call someone no matter where you are at in this world!

Finally I would probably have an assortment of other tools to utilize in case I’m dealing with a Vampire, Werewolf or some other random monster/creature/person/thing.. Wooden stake, Silver bullets for the Glock, Holy water and a Bible..



That would conclude my mancrate; if you feel I have missed anything and/or you would like to tell me what you would put in your crate to survive a horror film please reply in the comments below or on my facebook post!!